Can't We All Just Learn How to Drive?

I've been wanting to vent about horrible Lexington drivers (and drivers in general) for some time now. Why? First of all, I've lived here for 5 years, which has been a sufficient amount of time to familiarize myself with typical traffic conditions in many parts of town; I'm not just going to make a sweeping negative statement about Lexington drivers based solely on a particular area of the city or on limited driving exposure to the place in general. Secondly, although I really enjoy walking whenever I can, I still have to drive pretty much everyday; the frustrations involved with encountering terrible drivers cannot simply be avoided by my choosing to not use my vehicle. Lastly, my increasing impatience with those who can't seem to follow basic rules of the road or even properly operate an automobile seems to coincide partly with my decreasing tolerance for morons and all things asinine.

Is there any good way to organize a topic so broad in scope? I think I'll go with annoying tendencies of drivers and the stupid things that they do in general:

• Driving significantly under the speed limit or 30 MPH over the speed limit. Unless it's raining, snowing, or you're driving on a spare tire while trying to "share the road" with the biker who's oblivious to the fact that he's pretty much in the middle of the street, please drive at least the speed limit. I promise, you'll be okay. There's no good reason to slow the pace of traffic around you just because you're preoccupied with chattering away on your cell phone or because you're savoring the taste of that Whopper you just picked up through the drive-thru. Alternately, don't drive so fast that you put everyone within half a mile at risk for injury should you lose control of your vehicle. The fact that your car can indeed reach 90 MPH in a busy 55 MPH zone does not impress me; rather, it reveals to me that you're a jackass who has no problem endangering yourself and other people. Lexington in particular is not the best place to attempt to simulate the races in The Fast and the Furious. Sorry.
  
  
• Delayed responses to green lights. When you're sitting at a stoplight and the light turns green, it would be fantastic if you move your car quickly. Do this or face the wrath of many angry drivers behind you (that is, if they're even paying attention) via their blaring horns. I don't want to know how much time I've wasted at lights simply because cars in front of me have not responded quickly enough to green lights.
  
  
• Driving like an asshole. Okay, this one's kind of a catchall and could include both of the points mentioned above. It also includes the following: tailgating; slamming on your brakes for no apparent reason, thereby causing all the cars behind you to do the same; making very sudden turns or lane changes; not using your signals (it takes so much effort, after all); driving with your music turned up so loud that everyone within a mile radius can feel the vibrations; assuming the "cocky douche" position while driving (seat back as far as possible, right arm or left arm completely extended and holding the steering wheel while the other arm is nowhere to be found--usually accompanied by obnoxiously loud music and popped collars or other ridiculous "fashion" statements); texting or talking on your cell phone so much that you don't realize you're driving 20mph in a 40mph zone... the list goes on and on.
  
  
• Issue whores and those who feel the need to let other drivers know personal information such as their own names and family members' names via their automobiles. No. First of all, what's an issue whore, anyway? Thanks for asking. An issue whore is an individual who very enthusiastically informs those [unfortunate] drivers who end up behind them in traffic that they feel a certain way about political issues or politicians. "Marriage = A Man + A Woman." "I'm Already Against the Next War." "Sarah!" "Make Love, Not War." "NUKE 'EM ALL!" ....etc., etc. News flash: I don't care. A person is certainly entitled to his or her own opinion, but it baffles me that people feel the need to publicize these opinions by means of their vehicles. If you feel so strongly about a cause, why don't you go to a political rally or a peaceful protest or a violent demonstration or.... you get my point. Secondly, displaying your own name or your children's names on your vehicles makes no sense at all, and could even be a little dangerous. The immediate image that comes to my mind is the stick-figure decal on the back of some random car that includes all of the driver's family members along with their names underneath. Do you really want the world to know your 8-year-old daughter's name? Do you want to advertise the fact that young children live in your household? You may as well put up a neon sign in your yard that says, "Children Are Here--Pedophiles Welcome." Even if you don't have kids, why would you want to display your name on your car anyway? "Hey, that's Megan's truck. How many Megans are in Lexington?" Maybe I'm being too negative here, but I just always thought of a car as being a practical means of getting a driver to and from certain places; I have never considered an automobile to be a fast, shiny, overpriced thing manufactured primarily so that its owner can let others know his or her views on abortion or that they have three kids and two pets.

I was originally going to pick certain bad traffic spots in Lexington and complain about that, but I think this much will suffice. Discussing bad drivers is, in my opinion, kind of cliche anyway. It doesn't matter; I have a post, and this one has sparked an idea for something new!