I came across this picture a few weeks ago when, in a successful attempt to prolong my weekend and temporarily forget about Medieval Law paper #2 that had been looming over my head during days prior, I decided to rummage through my old photo box and scan some images onto my computer. This was one of only two or three pictures that were from my very early years; most were from high school and my first two years of college.This photograph makes me smile for a few reasons: first, my outfit is hysterical, but rather cute, I suppose (turtlenecks were a favorite of mine, apparently); secondly, the cat that I'm petting in the picture belonged to my grandmother, who lived next door to me when I lived in Pikeville, and she was very fond of this calico cat named Patches; lastly, although I don't remember the photo being taken, I remember many things about the house that I lived in at the time, including the front deck and the slight amount of landscaping around it. My haircut was just funny-looking.
On a related note, although I've had minimal exposure to small children during my lifetime and tend to shy away from kids in general, I've always taken note of the carefree attitude that most children exhibit, and I think it's entertaining to observe. Many children seem fascinated by the smallest things and are eager to absorb knowledge about everything around them. I sometimes wish I were still that easily entertained and enthusiastic about life in general. My adult years have made me really appreciate my carefree childhood days of shaggy hair and turtlenecks; if only I could rekindle that youthful zeal for knowledge and apply it to my neglected Latin and Greek studies, perhaps I could successfully complete my upcoming semester without having a mental breakdown. A girl can wish, right?
I've had trouble thinking of a particular topic to write about, so I'm just going to ramble a little bit about various things on my mind. Maybe I'll elaborate upon one of the following points in a future post, dependent upon what my devoted readers (all five of you) have to say.
- I'm already very nervous about the upcoming semester. I'll be in third semester Greek, which shouldn't be too bad, but I'll also be in Latin Lit and/or Latin Prose. I think many people overestimate my fondness for Latin; it used to excite me, but I enjoy Greek so much more at this point that it has been very difficult to get my Latin back to any sort of reading fluency. I need to remedy this by the third week of August or so. Wonderful. On top of all this, I'll be working for my mother part-time, retaking the LSAT (screw you, June test) in September, and trying to fit in the GRE somewhere in the midst of the insanity. I just want to get the hell out of undergrad--I'm sick of it and irritated that I'm not already in graduate school.
- Career anxiety, round 3849427: although I've taken the LSAT, I have not decided 100% upon attending law school. I do not want to give up Classics completely; I'm trying to locate universities that could possibly work with me to set up a 4-year J.D./M.A. degree, which would be amazing. Duke is the only school that I know of in this region that directly offers a joint J.D./M.A in Classics, and I'm not exactly expecting to get into Duke. I've been told that I would hate it anyway.
- I've been having bouts of depression lately, which terrifies me. I've done so much to repair the damage done during my year-long depression while a junior at UK; I even got a 4.0 last semester. Regardless, by the final weeks of last semester, I felt like I was slipping back into that black place which I'll occasionally go for days or even weeks at a time. I've got some ideas as to why my melancholy state of mind returned at a most inopportune time, but those are wholly unnecessary to elaborate. I'll only say the following: I've accepted the fact that on-and-off depression is a problem that I'll probably have to deal with for many years, and I'll handle it as best I know how. I've also learned that I need to be more careful about whom I let into my life, as jerks who hurt my feelings can apparently trigger a lot of intense sadness for me. I often wish I were one of those rather ridiculous-sounding people who seem to radiate sunshine from every bodily orifice and who know no sadness. Then I remember that these "lucky" individuals are usually too delusional about the unfortunate realities of life, in my opinion. I think I'd rather stay occasionally depressed and chuckle at people who are blissfully ignorant and who tend to take their personal unfamiliarity with mental health issues for granted.
- As of late, I have really valued my alone time. Although I enjoy socializing every now and then, I tend to be pretty insular. This is actually a quality I've had for years. I've gotten into the habit of avoiding places that are insanely crowded. Walks have occupied a lot of my time lately; I took a 6-mile walk around the campus area this week when looking for a new apartment, and I really enjoyed myself. It was the perfect opportunity for me to sort out some issues in my head while taking advantage of a beautiful, sunny day (Lexington has seen too much rain lately). Now, if only I could learn how to glare at strangers in coffee shops so as to let them know that I am not interested in chatting about inconsequential things such as their "sick" freestyle rap ability or their night job as a part-time male exotic dancer. ...Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new blog topic, perhaps...
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