The Pre-Facebook Dark Age of Hotmail Correspondence

I often forget that I have a fully functional Hotmail account because I hardly ever use it. I've had the account since sixth or seventh grade, long before the days of MyBook or FaceSpace. Aside from ICQ, which was mostly nothing other than a means of killing time and/or starting drama, the Hotmail account was my way of staying in touch with my friends. Looking back through my e-mails from years ago (the earliest was from 1999, ha!) was highly entertaining. I've pretty much come to the conclusion that 90% (or more) of people in high school and middle school are idiots. I guess you can't really blame them, particularly when they live in a town like Pikeville where there are so few things to to keep one busy. And, obviously, maturity during the teen years is usually lacking. Things that seemed so important during high school are just hilarious in retrospect when you finally graduate and get the hell away from (most of) the stupidity.

Anyway, although I definitely discovered some drama-laden e-mails from friends, a lot of the e-mails were those surveys and quizzes that were wildly popular with the young'uns during the pre-MySpace days. Most of the surveys tended to ask the same questions, but every now and then I would encounter one that was slightly different from the rest and thus not nearly as mind-numbingly boring to complete. I myself rarely get creative but I do remember making my very own type of survey: it was a fake "will" that listed a bunch of my random personal possessions and the people to whom I wished to give them. Hey, I didn't want to die intestate; I also wanted to make sure that my enemies would receive the crappy stuff. Of course, after sending this e-mail to my friend Katy, she made one of her own to ensure that the following belongings of hers wouldn't give rise to any disputes amongst friends and foes if she died: window opener crank; used soap; broken towel racks; shower "poofs" that smell like ass; broken weedeater; toilet scrub brush; and her lawn mower, which she herself wanted to keep so she could mow around her own grave. Bravo, Katy. See--Pikeville really is that boring, people.

At any rate, I think I'll fill out one of these time-killing surveys for fun. My homework for the night has been completed, and tomorrow I will be up to my neck in Greek and Sanskrit and will not have the pleasure of wasting time. Stalkers, get your pen and paper ready...

1. What time is it? 12:42 AM.

2. Name: Shelby Layne Friend. It's not the name I was given at birth, but it's my legal name now.

3. Nicknames: Shebby, Shelbster, etc. Any stupid variations of my name, basically.

4. Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake: If I had been given a birthday cake, there would have been 23 candles on it. I had birthday booze instead.

5. Date that you regularly blow them out: December 3rd.

6. Pets: One cat named Chewy.

7. Height: 5'3''

8. Eye color: Blue-green.

9. Hair Color: It's naturally light brown. I sometimes color it dark brown, but for some reason this always fades into a lighter, red-tinted color. I was called a ginger a few months ago and was not happy about that.

10. Piercing: Ears.

11. Tattoos: None.

12. How much do you love your job? I don't have a job. I guess school is technically my job. I love so many things about college, despite the occasional aggravations.

13. Past Residence(s): Pikeville, KY; Waterbury, VT; Atlanta, GA.

14. Hometown: Pikeville, I guess.

15. Current Residence: Georgetown, KY.

16. Had the drink Calypso Breeze? Ah, the mandatory alcohol-related question. No, I haven't.

17. Been in love before? Once.

18. Been to Africa? No.

19. Been toilet-papering? No, although I've had plenty of evil thoughts in terms of doing bad things to my enemies. I never act on my urges, though.

20. Been drunk? Yes, but I rarely drink. My metabolism and the fact that I'm an incredible light-weight make for interesting post-alchohol consumption incidents. Oops.

21. Been toilet-papered? Nope, fortunately I have not.

22. Loved somebody so much it made you cry? I've cried over idiots in whom I misplaced my trust and feelings. I don't think I would call that "love". But I've had many wonderful experiences that have compensated for the bad ones.

23. Been in a car crash? Not a bad one, no. I have been hit from the rear three times since I began driving, but these were all tiny "wrecks" that did negligible damage to my vehicle.

24. Croutons or Bacon Bits? Croutons, in a chicken caesar salad. Yum.

25. 2 doors or 4? Quattuor ianuae!

26. Sprite or 7 Up? Sprite.

27. Blanket or Stuffed Animal? Blankie.

28. Dumper or Dumpee? Now that's just gross.

29. Salad Dressing: Italian, and that delicious ginger dressing on salads at hibachi grills.

30. Color of socks: White. I refuse to be a sock snob.

31. Lucky Number: 17.

32. Why? It was my soccer number in high school, and I was on the first ever varsity soccer team at Pikeville. For some reason I think this is slightly important, but it's probably not.

33. Place to be kissed: The lips. Unfortunately, there is a lack of good kissers, and I don't understand this.

34. Movie? There are so many great movies. Christmas Vacation has to be one of my favorites comedies, and Amadeus is great. Gran Torino and Boondock Saints are good vigilante justice picks for assholes like myself.

35. Quote from a movie? : "Merry Christmas! Shitter's full!"

36. Favorite Holiday: Christmas is wonderful. It's the one time of the year when I can truly relax, and by that I mean sit around and play my Nintendo DS, my Xbox 360 and virtual console games from the Wii. I get to reminisce, too.

37. Foods: Red beans and rice from Bourbon N' Toulouse makes my day about six days a week.

38. Day of the Week: Saturday.

39. Song at the moment: That's a secret.

40. Word or Phrase: I've been very frequently using the term "douche bag", not really because I like it, but because it's so applicable to certain individuals, particularly my overly-eager classmates whose single wish is to let others know how intelligent they are. Please, stop. I am from Eastern KY and can still compete with you on every level. How does that make you feel, rich kids?

41. Toothpaste: Crest Total Care in clean cinnamon flavor. Best. Toothpaste. Ever.

42. Restaurant: Bourbon N' Toulouse, Ramsey's, Joe Bologna's... The list could go on for quite awhile.

43. Flower: I don't have a favorite flower. This has become slightly problematic as of late.

44. Least Favorite Subject: Mathematics, particularly Calculus. Physics was okay, as was Geometry, but I'm not at all mathematically inclined. Why do you think I'm a Classics major?

45. Alcoholic Drink: Any mixed drink containing vodka, especially cosmopolitans.

46. Sport to Watch: Soccer.

47. Type of Ice Cream: Chocolate.

48. Sesame Street Character: Cookie Monster.

49. Disney/Warner Bros? I liked that talking blanket from The Brave Little Toaster.

50. Fast Food Restaurant: Fazoli's, Cane's, Zaxby's.

51. When was your last hospital visit: Aside from accompanying family members to the hospital, it was my senior year of high school. Having mono is not fun.

52. Favorite drink: Sweet tea.

53. What color is your bedroom carpet?: Cream.

54. What was the name of your childhood blanket? Blankie.

55. How many times did you fail your Permit and/or Drivers License? Zero.

56. Where do you see yourself in 10 yrs? Either practicing law or teaching at a university.

57. Which store would you choose to max your credit card? Probably Banana Republic, since I need to start buying some nicer clothes. Hooray.

58. What do you do most often when you are bored? Take surveys gotten from my rarely-used Hotmail account. Ha.

59. What words or phrases do you overuse? I overuse a wide variety of obscenities. I'm trying to cut back. Do they make something comparable to a nicotine patch for potty-mouthed individuals like myself?

60. Name the person that you are friends with that lives the farthest away from you: Kala.

61. Best thing(s): Being productive and successful.

62. Who will respond to this fastest? Nemo.

63. Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to respond? This isn't really applicable.

64. What time is it now? 1:56 AM. I've taken some iPod breaks and completed some reading.

65. Favorite song/group of old times: The Village People? "Macho, macho man..."

66. The people who u can tell anything to: ...probably do not want me to list their names.

67. Vacation spot you want to go to someday: I'd like to go back to the Yucatan Peninsula in Mexico. It was beautiful.

68. Something you hate: Only one thing? Wow, that's too restricted for me. I hate this question.

69. 5 friends you enjoy hanging with: Dicaeopolis, Philip, Horatia, Quintus and Scintilla.

70. Favorite body part on the opposite sex: Eyes and arms.

71. Something you have always wanted to tell but haven't? I'm actually 18.

Oh, that's a picture of downtown Pikeville made from the infamous overlook. I'd love to figure out how to make captions and do some more things with these posts. I have a book about HTML but I doubt I'll get to read it anytime soon. Boo. dormire debeo! Valete, amici!